FOR SALE. FREEDOM, new condition.
For price and other information, contact your Higher Power.

by Rachel H.

"I know a new freedom." I hear this read twice a week. I used to read those words or hear those words, and they were… just words. Now I am experiencing those words more and more as time goes on. I may not feel free all the time but, by gum, I’m making progress!

To me, freedom means being comfortable, living without unnecessary constraints or fear. So, when I feel uncomfortable, I can’t feel free. If I’m keeping myself from doing something I’d really like to do, I’m not free. If I’m living in fear, that’s not freedom. I want to let the whole world know who I really am, defects and all. I want to experience all the good things. I want to be able to put wings on my back and fly wherever I want to go.

But I believe there’s always a price for freedom. And the way I see it, the price for freedom is the risk I must take to attain it. I went to a therapist and I didn’t know if I’d feel better after talking to her. That was a risk. I went to group therapy and I didn’t know what the other people would think of me. I went to CoDA and I had more doubt than hope. 

Today, I tell people in my everyday life about Codependents Anonymous and how the program has helped me. I tell people about my years of therapy. I tell people about my character defects. I tell them my "secrets", like sleeping separately from my husband or that I have 4 accounts for my plant business. I’m revealing this information more and more, and with less shame each time I do it. The more I reveal who I truly am, the easier it gets. Today the secrets are becoming merely facts about Rachel. Uh oh, what if I run out of secrets? Oh well, I’ll worry about that later! Lo and behold, the more I trust myself, the more I expose the inner me to the world. The truth is setting me free.

So how did I get to this place where I am? Well, it’s taken risk. And work. And willingness. And trust. And humility. And all kinds of other good stuff! I started by going to CoDA and tried to keep an open mind. I heard people talk about their lives and I listened. At first I thought all this "I’m codependent" and "Higher Power" and "Working the Steps" stuff sounded really hokey. I’m not going to say I’m codependent! But these people seemed to be so much more comfortable with their lives than I was. I didn’t understand the steps. So I mustered up the courage to start asking. I asked what the steps meant. I asked people what their Higher Power was. Step by tiny step, I trusted that believing in this higher power concept might just help me. I wanted to believe in it. Slowly I formed by own understanding of a power that’s greater than me. It’s the entity that created me. Today I call this power "God". Once I started developing this relationship, I became ready to work the rest of the steps. I work the steps over and over and over every day as I need to (most of the time – gotta stay honest!) I’ve made a commitment to myself – and I’m making it again right now - that as soon as I find myself slipping into old negative thoughts, I must immediately start working the steps and using whatever tools I have to move into positive-thinking territory. Sometimes that’s a risk, pushing myself to think positively. But I do it anyway. It pays off. Because when I’m being positive, chances are I’m also feeling free.

What does freedom mean to you? I know that it means something different to each one of us. How far are you willing to go for freedom? What price are you willing to pay? What risk are you willing to take today? Not sure? Contact your Higher Power for assistance and further information. Freedom is always for sale.